A funny blog from my collegue. Read and Enjoy!! :)
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No, no.. don’t go away.. this is not about proposals or project management. This is my unique take (actually nothing unique, but then I am running out of topics) on the post engagement pre-marriage period which is the golden era (ahem..hem) in anybody’s life..
There are so many guys (read 1) these days asking me for tips on how to handle this enragement period (oops, spelling mistake! anyway let us leave it that way). So, being the shrewd observer of things (that should make it clear that this is not out of experience.. any comments of that sort will be ruthlessly moderated), I decided to play the savior of such wandering sheep.. Please follow this set of rules to confirm your marital status. Remember, there is very little difference between marital law and martial law!
Rule number 1: Unless you are a close relative of the Ambani’s (or own sweat equity of some IPL franchise), get a CUG phone connection. You have so much talking to do (mostly listening.. but talk also if you count ‘yeah’, ‘right’ and ‘ok’).
Rule number 2: Your reply SMS messages should be a minimum of 10 words. Remove words like ‘ok’, ’sure’, ‘me too’, ‘fine’ from your SMS dictionary. For example, a suggested reply for a message like ‘I have a lot of work today’, should be ‘Oh no.. Too bad. Tell ur mngr that you have a hdache :-):-) ‘.. A reply like ‘oh ok’ for this message is sure to put you in mortal danger.
Rule number 3: Remember to remember. Guys have a tendency to remember key things like Sachin’s centuries, Deepika’s latest boyfriend and Messi’s jersey number and forget trivial things like fiancee’s birthday, the names of all of her 14 friends, in-laws’ wedding day and Tommy’s vaccination day. Not any more brother! Try at least to remember the month of birth of your fiancee’s sister-in-law’s second cousin. You never know how it will help.
Rule number 4: Know your colours. Men can distinguish about 3 colours in a rainbow. But women can identify all the 38 colours in it. So, practise until you can clearly distinguish blue, light blue, deep blue, dark blue, navy blue, sky blue, copper sulphate blue, zinc phosphate blue.. you get the idea..
Rule number 5: Extrapolate! This is very important. What she says is not what she wants.. For eg., if she messages you to get a band-aid, and if you manage to buy one, you will look like an absolute idiot! You are supposed to immediately call her with an anxious voice on why she needs one, what really happened, whether she needs an ambulance (a rescue helicopter if she can’t see through the sarcasm).. And by the way, she really does not need a band-aid!
Rule number 6: Interpret! Continuing with the above rule, sometimes you have to do the opposite of what she says, because there is a hidden meaning associated with each phrase
‘OK, you don’t have to come’ If you are not here in the next half-our I will kill you’
‘It is not heavy, I can carry it’ ’You moron, will you take this from me or what?’
‘This dress does not suit me’ ‘It looks great on me and I expect you to say it’
Rule number 7: Hidden within those multiple strands of your brain, there is a commodity called logic. Get it out somehow and throw it as farther as you can.. Else it will interfere in those inopportune moments, like when she calls at 2:00 AM in the morning to check whether you are awake or why she needs 3 pair of slippers when she already has 4 or how someone can be a fan of Tushar Kapoor. Asking such questions will result in… I don’t even want to think about it!
Ok, folks I hope you find these pearls of wisdom useful. Some people listen to experts, some learn the hard way. So it is up to you. Enjoy the marital bliss.
There are so many guys (read 1) these days asking me for tips on how to handle this enragement period (oops, spelling mistake! anyway let us leave it that way). So, being the shrewd observer of things (that should make it clear that this is not out of experience.. any comments of that sort will be ruthlessly moderated), I decided to play the savior of such wandering sheep.. Please follow this set of rules to confirm your marital status. Remember, there is very little difference between marital law and martial law!
Rule number 1: Unless you are a close relative of the Ambani’s (or own sweat equity of some IPL franchise), get a CUG phone connection. You have so much talking to do (mostly listening.. but talk also if you count ‘yeah’, ‘right’ and ‘ok’).
Rule number 2: Your reply SMS messages should be a minimum of 10 words. Remove words like ‘ok’, ’sure’, ‘me too’, ‘fine’ from your SMS dictionary. For example, a suggested reply for a message like ‘I have a lot of work today’, should be ‘Oh no.. Too bad. Tell ur mngr that you have a hdache :-):-) ‘.. A reply like ‘oh ok’ for this message is sure to put you in mortal danger.
Rule number 3: Remember to remember. Guys have a tendency to remember key things like Sachin’s centuries, Deepika’s latest boyfriend and Messi’s jersey number and forget trivial things like fiancee’s birthday, the names of all of her 14 friends, in-laws’ wedding day and Tommy’s vaccination day. Not any more brother! Try at least to remember the month of birth of your fiancee’s sister-in-law’s second cousin. You never know how it will help.
Rule number 4: Know your colours. Men can distinguish about 3 colours in a rainbow. But women can identify all the 38 colours in it. So, practise until you can clearly distinguish blue, light blue, deep blue, dark blue, navy blue, sky blue, copper sulphate blue, zinc phosphate blue.. you get the idea..
Rule number 5: Extrapolate! This is very important. What she says is not what she wants.. For eg., if she messages you to get a band-aid, and if you manage to buy one, you will look like an absolute idiot! You are supposed to immediately call her with an anxious voice on why she needs one, what really happened, whether she needs an ambulance (a rescue helicopter if she can’t see through the sarcasm).. And by the way, she really does not need a band-aid!
Rule number 6: Interpret! Continuing with the above rule, sometimes you have to do the opposite of what she says, because there is a hidden meaning associated with each phrase
‘OK, you don’t have to come’ If you are not here in the next half-our I will kill you’
‘It is not heavy, I can carry it’ ’You moron, will you take this from me or what?’
‘This dress does not suit me’ ‘It looks great on me and I expect you to say it’
Rule number 7: Hidden within those multiple strands of your brain, there is a commodity called logic. Get it out somehow and throw it as farther as you can.. Else it will interfere in those inopportune moments, like when she calls at 2:00 AM in the morning to check whether you are awake or why she needs 3 pair of slippers when she already has 4 or how someone can be a fan of Tushar Kapoor. Asking such questions will result in… I don’t even want to think about it!
Ok, folks I hope you find these pearls of wisdom useful. Some people listen to experts, some learn the hard way. So it is up to you. Enjoy the marital bliss.
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Any feedbacks or comments will be promptly fwdd to the author of the original blog :)
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